Friday, December 16, 2011

Fast Forward Grief Four Years:

On December 10th I posted an article written about saying goodbye to two people in my life I loved very much. My Aunt Myra left this world in April 2007 and my Granny followed close behind in December 2007. It is hard to lose someone but losing two so close together was not only heart breaking but nerve shattering. My Granny was buried only week before Christmas. Needless to say that holiday was spent tearfully remembering those who did not get to celebrate with us that year. The only presence they had was in our hearts and in the ornaments dedicated to them hanging on my Christmas tree.  Today here we are four years later. People tell us when we lose someone we must accept our loss and move on with our lives but do we ever really accept our loss?

I think about my Granny on many occasions. Sometimes when I hear a song such as Doug Stone’s “I’d be better off in a pine box (on a slow train back to Georgia)” or when I do something that reminds me of her. I could lie and say time has healed all pain and I no longer cry because I miss her, but a lie is what that would be. The truth is some days I question why she had to leave us. You see losing my Granny was not about losing a grandparent but more like losing one of my mothers. My Granny and Pa took care of me from the time I was about 2 until I was about 10. The time we shared will always be in my memory barring any dementia. Many of those memories bring a smile to my face but loneliness to my heart. There are songs I can no longer bear to hear because they were played at her funeral. Sarah McLaughlin’s “In the arms of the angels” and Randy Travis’s “Angels” are two of the songs that bring back the memory of that funeral. Grief you can manage by holding to the joy of time shared with those gone on. 

The story of my Aunt Myra is much the same. The wounds have never really healed. She was so young and we only had six joyful years to get to know her. Those six years were wonderful. I can still remember the night we met her for the first time. It was very close to Christmas and my mom, Aunt Wanda, and I had been out Christmas shopping all day. My Granny called my Aunt Wanda and my Aunt Wanda called my mother and me. I was a bundle of nerves as my husband and I drove to the Nursing Home to meet her for the first time. From that time on Christmas and the 4th of July was spent all of us together reunited as a family. This newfound family reunion was cut short in April of 2007 when I got the call from Aunt Myra’s son Timmy that she had slipped into a diabetic coma. We made it to the hospital in time to say our goodbye. One week later we made the trip again to say our final goodbye. Four years later with a little over a week before Christmas she is very much on my mind. I still remember the last Christmas we shared together cooking, cleaning, and dancing around like fools. It was wonderful and I had no idea then it would be my last Christmas with her. 

Living with these life experiences I have formed an opinion about grief and how we deal with it. The pain may ease over time but the wound is always soft and easily reopened. The scar we will bear for life. There is no Mederma to rid the scars grief leaves behind. We adjust and we move on but we will never forget. We will have good days and we will have bad. We will have happy memories and we will have sad. There will be thankfulness for some actions and regret for some others. Today as I made my ornaments for my family I remembered my two beloved family members who would not be receiving one this year. I admit it was not a happy recollection. I find my comfort in knowing they will be here in my heart and that my Granny’s tiny hair bow and the last ornaments my Aunt Myra brought me will be adorning my tree. 

I would like to know how others feel about grief. How do you deal with the loss of your loved ones whom you deeply cherished? Do you believe you ever fully overcome the grief you experience at the time of their loss? Please comment with your answers. We are not here to judge anyone I just want some insight on how others grieve.  


  1. I have lost four grandparents and now very recently, my uncle. My uncle and I were very close and we shared things that weren't shared with others. We sat together at my grandfather's death bed and watched him die. That was thirty-two years ago.

    One of my grandmothers passed when I just twenty-five the day before Easter.

    Time does heal the pain, but the memories are forever. Keep your loved ones alive in your heart, for that is where they live now.

    My uncle's last year here on earth, in the words of my aunt, sucked. My aunt is not a crude woman and I think that is the closest I ever heard her come to swearing. But the word fit. He died suddenly and is gone, and his funeral was a day of healing for his family.

    I grieve for my uncle, but I will also respect what he wanted and that is for people to remember what was good about him and keep him alive in their hearts.

    Time does heal, although slowly. A day will come the memory of their passing won't bring tears.

    Dying is a part of living. We all live and we all die. The best we can do is hope to keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and live our lives in a way that others will keep us alive once we are gone.

    Best wishes to you, and remember that your loved ones who have passed on, would not want you to be sad at Christmas time.

  2. Mike W,

    Thank you kindly for your comment and outlook on the process of grief. I am sorry for your loss of someone so close to you. You are correct in saying our loved ones will live on in our hearts. You are also correct that they would not want the family to be sad at Christmas time. I will keep pushing forward to the day when time shall heal my grief.

  3. This is a hard row to hoe, no matter who it is. I lost my daughter in 2006, and in 2010 I lost my husband and step-mom within 6 weeks of one another. I do not talk about this outside my specialty sites. If you like, visit my hubpage about the death of my daughter.

    I am pubbing a book about being the surviving spouse of cancer next summer.

  4. Red you are right it is a hard row to hoe. I am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the loss of my son or husband and can only imagine the pain and grief you must feel. Thank you for the invitation to read your hub page. I think I will take you up on that offer. Is there any special way I need to get to it?