Sunday, December 4, 2011

Real Reason Children cannot Contact Santa on Facebook.

Jolly Clause has taken over Facebook. Masses of friends have connected to the man deemed to be Santa despite his efforts to hide his identity. Popular Facebook apps are seeing record increases in gifts being sent to farms, cities, and frontiers. All seems to be going well until…
Clause gets accused of being what…a hacker! Clause is hurt. He in no way would harm the smallest hair on a mouse’s tiny head. How could he be accused of stealing people’s personal information and crashing their computers that he himself provided many with just last year? Puzzled and low spirited Clause comes up with a plan.  He will be honest with the world. He will tell and show everyone who is behind the Facebook profile of Clause. 

Clause sets out to complete his plan. He first updates his profile adding his North Pole address, his to his email address, and finally his profile pictures of him working side-by-side with his little elves preparing toys for Christmas.  Clause is skeptical but he updates his status asking anyone concerned to please leave their concerns which he will address in an honest nature. Kids bombard the page with questions about what they want for Christmas or better yet what they will be getting. Parents begin to blow up the page with concerns.  Clause answered all the questions as he promised and chose a few of his biggest concerns to respond to publicly. Here are the questions Clause felt he needed to directly address:

What am I getting for Christmas? Children the world over should know what Santa has in store for you is to be found out on Christmas morn like all the years before. The gift is size and want will depend on how good you have been to your parents, siblings, teachers, and friends.

Who are you really? I am the jolly Santa Clause. The one you write year after year and leave responsible for Christmas cheer. I do not complain when lists are late only work harder to determine the little ones fate. I do not complain about the deadline you see because it is worth it all when a small voice thanks me. 

What are you doing here on Facebook? I am here to connect with the world around so I do not have to wait for the knock of a mailman to sound. Do not stop writing for I like to read, all your wishes at snail mail speed, but to fill the orders time is short, I need all parents to be a sport.

Santa really has a Facebook page? I understand all of your concern but please allow me to have my turn. Why is it so impossible for someone like me to enjoy the lighting speed of technology? I can land my reindeer on your roof at night, wiggle my frame down your chimney so tight, and still eat the milk and cookies you had mom to bake, but Facebook you fear I cannot undertake.

The last and most troubling question Clause wished to address was sent from an alias ILoveSantaNoMore. I have not decided if the alias is the blonde or maybe Clause was secretly a blonde. I will let you decide. 

 Why do you call me a ho but then tell me I am not allowed to sit on your lap?  The answer to this Clause must carefully word, the poor girl was obviously disturbed. I call out ho, ho, ho most your age without child is offended but I almost have to call the cops to have you apprehended. This is alarming but what concerns me more is why a young lady wants to sit on an old man’s lap for? If the jolly call suits a profession I must admit I have a confession.  This year when you look under your tree there will be a great big surprise for you from me. It will not be your usual cashmere sweater, no my dear this year it will be even better. No, it’s not my number or a ticket to the Pole it seems we are not matching up with our goal. This year your box will be a bit small but large enough to hold all the protection you need for many a call.

Well stated and situation controlled Clause.  I sure hope the Facebook page works out for you but not so sure Ms. Clause is going to want to check up on your profile. Not for a little while at least. I would be prepared to answer more strange and out there questions if I was you. Well anyway good luck to you. Just one final question is this a new pact with all adults for presents or just those that need the giving? Really I have been good this year. Like extra good. 

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